Beautiful Motivation

The best thing about Coastal Living magazine is it keeps me motivated. This weekend I was craving shopping. I crave shopping like some people crave chocolate, and picking up necessities at Target wasn’t going to cut it. Luckily for me, and my bank account, Coastal Living arrived just in time. All it took was a glance at the beautiful cover and I knew nothing I could buy would make me feel as good as being able to one day see that view in person.

I love to travel and I love calling Jacksonville, Florida my home. I am unbelievably happy in Florida and I want to keep it that way. My shopping habits cause stress and could possibly ruin the life I want to have. I love my blue jean shorts and Lilly Pulitzer dresses, but adding more of them to my closet will just be more. I will be taking away from the trips Jimmy and I could take together and the home I hope to one day share. One more dress or pair of shorts isn’t going to make my life better, but meaningful moments in beautiful places will.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Better Together by Jack Johnson

Lessons in Control

I think God is trying to teach me a lesson about control. I am sick in bed needing to go to the doctor for the first time in 5 years and unable to go because I’m uninsured. Many people who know me might find this slightly hilarious. Not only do I regularly sanitize all surfaces, including my phone, and drink things like noni to prevent illness, I also am incredibly particular when it comes to anything serious like insurance. Despite the fact that when I decided to change insurances I questioned my sales rep about electronic signatures, future emails, and repeatedly clarified that there was nothing else I needed to do, I am without insurance. The entire situation is ironic, which means there is a lesson. I have no control in the insurance company righting it’s wrong, and I certainly have no say in when I recover. Two things I very much do not enjoy. A born perfectionist, letting go of control has never been easy. I recently saw a commercial where a comedian referred to himself as a “control enthusiast,” I thought this term was hilarious and sadly could identify all to well with it.

I have been doing better with control, but apparently still need some work. On the improvement side I don’t feel the need for the kitchen counters to be cleaned to perfection. I understand my clothes may get ruined despite all my best efforts. I can let others be in charge of items or projects that I value. I’ve learned to delegate, and I’ve learned you can’t control the process of delegated tasks (i.e. how the bathroom is cleaned). I’ve learned to give up control over some of the little things that don’t really matter, but I haven’t given up enough control yet.

Although I know I can only control my attitude and the decisions I make I am still working to put this into practice. Clearly this is an opportunity to do just that.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Shoulders by for KING & COUNTRY

None of My Business

I've received lots of great advice over the years. One of the most freeing pieces came from my good friend Betsy. She told me what other people thought was none of my business. For someone like me who lived a significant chunk of her life "people pleasing" this was quite revolutionary.

We all want control in some aspects, and the more delusional of us think we can control other people's thoughts and reactions to us. You can get quite good at predicting reactions if you know a person well enough, but is that how you want to spend your life, living it for others?

I knew the tendency in myself to want approval. When I decided to move to Florida part of that decision was based on the fact that I needed to be able to become my own person without constantly feeling like I was disappointing someone.

Disappointment from friends and family was always difficult for me. It didn't matter if what I said or did wasn't something to be disappointed in, I could feel when I wasn't quite meeting expectations. I try to forget the regrets over silly things I said and did over my lifetime, but I wasn't able to really start attempting to free myself until I heard that wonderful advice.

We can't control what the world says or thinks; we can only control our actions and reactions. We will screw up, but as long as there is a tomorrow we have a shot to be better.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Don't Worry 'Bout a Thing by SHeDAISY

Comparison is the Death of Happiness

Comparison is the death of happiness. I think this is a significant thought. One of those that is easy to say, but hard to do. I think most people realize when they compare something they have to a better version of someone else’s that nothing positive can come out of it, but I think it’s particularly hard when you don’t know the entire story.

It’s easy to see the big house on the water, the giant diamond earnings, or the lavish trip to Europe, but do we see the rest. The relationship we wouldn’t want, the bills that are stressful to pay, and the time away from family and friends.

When I find myself coveting what others have I ask myself “Would I rather be her instead of me,” because if I had that item right now I would have to be that person right now.

I regularly beat myself up over not accomplishing enough, not crossing enough off my to do list, and not having what I expected at this point in life, but what would have to give to have those things? Less time with Jimmy, no palm tree out my window, a life I wasn’t happy living?

I try to remind myself of what I do have when I find myself wishing for more. I have a great apartment, a loving fiancé, a fluffy orange kitty, and a short drive to the beach. I am happy with the person I am becoming and wouldn’t want to change any of the experiences that made me who I am today. I am not perfect, but I’m good enough for me.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My song of the day is The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

Working Toward Peace

Every time I wear my ring to the gym I fall in love with it even more. I think it’s the gorgeous simplicity that gets me. Maybe it’s how it looks with my workout clothes or maybe it’s the run, but I love that it happens every time. I also love that in falling in love I gain a sense of peace, and a sense of who I really am. I was such a princessy girly girl for so long that it amazes me how different I am now. This is accented even more when thinking about the wedding. Initially I was stressed considering what I wanted. There are so many options, and things I used to love don’t bring me the same joy anymore. This isn’t just about deciding on linens and dresses, it’s realizing who I have become.

Up until three years ago I took any excuse to dress up. I loved my high heels and used any excuse to wear them. Over the past two years I’ve realized I like a casual summer dress paired with leather flip flops over anything else I own. This seems minor, but the change was so much more than my wardrobe. I’ve gone through a crazy transformation mentally, and some days I’m still figuring out who I am and what means the most to me. I love life so much more, and value simplicity over glamour.

Today in the solitude of the gym I was able to think clearly. I think sometimes God uses these times to help us in the right direction and give us peace. I would have never imagined the person I have become, but I know it’s part of the journey He has for me. Sometimes all it takes is a little space and a good run to appreciate all that is wonderful in life.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song of the day is Good life by OneRepublic

Dream On

Many of us have heard that we can be anything we want, but do we actually believe it? When we are young we tend to think the sky is the limit. We dream of becoming ballerinas, football stars, writers, musicians; as we grow older we give up so easily on those dreams. We forget that we can be something more.

I had many dreams growing up. The one I held when I was close to starting college was to become a journalist for a fashion magazine. I didn’t believe enough in myself, so I picked a side route with nutrition. I had always had an interest in nutrition, and many popular magazines were starting to have nutrition segments. From there I realized I didn’t need a journalism degree to write as a nutrition expert and stopped my writing path. I never felt like I was a writer. My brother has amazing talent in creative writing and even had a play performed at the Kentucky Center in high school. He was the writer; I just enjoyed magazines.

It wasn’t until I was joining a blogging group on Facebook not terribly long ago and had to actually have the title “writer” on my Facebook page that I allowed myself to even think about being considered a writer.

When I was young I would have proudly said I would be a writer when I grew up, but at the age of 27 with only high school journalism under my belt it felt intimidating. Who would enjoy reading my thoughts?

Running posed the same threat. Announcing that I would be running a half marathon to close friends and family felt like I was playing pretend. I’m not a runner. I have rarely enjoyed running and the idea of running more than a mile or two sounded quite difficult. It wasn’t until the middle of the race that I realized my own strength and felt like a true runner.

Why do we give ourselves so little credit? We are capable of anything we put our minds to, but instead many times we take the safe route. We stress over what we would lose rather than think of what we could gain.

What could you gain?

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Brave by Sara Bareilles

Saving for I Do

While flipping through the new Athleta catalog I stare at beautiful new workout capris, matching sports bras, and casual summer dresses that I can’t wait to put in my closet! I stop myself and debate on what buying these items will actually mean. Now when contemplating purchases I not only think of mai tais, but also wedding guests. I have no idea where our wedding will be located, but I do know each guest will be expensive. Jimmy and I both have sizable families and lots of friends that we want to include in our wedding. Although mai tais and peace are great motivators to save, not being able to have my friends at my wedding is a great extra push to watch my spending.

I don’t want a lavish wedding, but even the simple beach weddings can cost a great deal if you want a fun party for a lot of people to go with it. I am reading books like Budget Weddings for Dummies and blog posts that discuss where to save and where to splurge. The problem is how do I know who is right? I read mixed messages about wedding coordinators, cost of all inclusive venues, and caterers. There are millions of opinions and billions of dollars spent on having the “perfect day.” I am not a wedding expert and I feel like I’m swimming in information. Although I have been in a lot of weddings and a part of planning many of those weddings, I still find myself quite unprepared. Pinterest is helpful and dangerous all at the same time. Within thirty minutes you can blow your budget by $50,000 taking in all the beautiful ideas.

I thought I would be better prepared, financially stable, and wiser when I got engaged, at least this is what I assumed at the age of nine about my late twenties. I don’t feel any of those things most days.

This is what I do know. I want a great wedding and a great honeymoon, but at a price I’m not nauseated at years down the line. I eventually want a beach home that includes a room for Jimmy’s surf stuff. Spending extra money on a single day will not help me get that or the extra mai tais in my future. I’m excited about my wedding, but also about my life to come, and I want to be financially prepared for fun after I say I do.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song of the day is I Do by Colbie Caillat

13.1 Disney Run

I took my computer to Disney with full intention of blogging while I was there, but instead I enjoyed my friends, family, and vacation. Now that I am back to reality there is so much to tell! The half marathon was amazing!! I ran at an easy pace and loved every minute of it! What was crazy though was registration and the rest of the weekend. When I signed up for the half marathon I knew it would be an accomplishment for me to do it. I am not a natural runner and have never run a race before. During the expo I “checked in” the same day as the runners of the Dopey Challenge. For those that are not familiar with Run Disney races, this is completing a 5K, 10K, half marathon, and a full marathon. If you want to feel inadequate mention that you are only running the half marathon to loads of people running four races in four days and finishing with a full marathon. Although everyone was super supportive, being around that many runners accomplishing much bigger feats, makes you feel like 13.1 miles is nothing.

Hilary, my running buddy for the race, arrived the next day. When you are going to run through Cinderella’s castle you are going to want one of your close friends by your side, and Hilary and I had been envisioning our trip to Disney together since we were ten years old. Neither of us could have guessed that it would be seventeen years later and that we would be running, but it was more amazing than we could have imagined! We nearly froze waiting for our corral’s start time, but enjoyed trying to make our hand warmers heat up and hiding behind other runners when the breezes hit.

We had no idea that we would have Mickey and the gang and fireworks with our start time! Every corral had fireworks with their start! Not just one or two, but a mini show for every start time! It was amazing to see that every group was made to feel like their start was just as special as the professional runners in the front. Only Disney can take something ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary.

I didn’t feel like a runner through the entire process until the race. Not during training and certainly not at registration. It wasn’t until I felt comfortable running even once I hit mile nine and still passing other runners that I realized in the last six months I’ve become something I never thought I would be, a true runner. I still have a love/hate relationship with it, but the feeling was something I will never forget.

I knew only Disney could make me run, but I never thought it would make me want to run more than one race. I felt amazing when I finished, like I could have kept going for miles. As they say on the jungle cruise I was inspired to go deeper. Knowing I could accomplish more I texted my brother to see if he was interested in doing the full marathon in 2016. Running two parks was cool, but four parks and the ESPN Sports Complex sounded amazing! And who better to run with than the one person who grew up with me vacationing in the happiest place on earth?

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Do Life Big by Jamie Grace, such a great message!

Facing Fear

Fear is a funny thing. We can rule our lives on our fears, fear of failing, fear of losing, fear of death, fear of life. It’s so easy to jump straight into our ambition when we are facing a new beginning. We resolve to do new things, develop better behaviors, and stretch our goals. There can be excitement in the unknown, but there is also underlying fear. Fear of screwing up, fear of not making the right choices, fear of failing at our dreams. Fear is what stops the world from taking chances.

We start out with goals and ambition, and then so many times our anxiety gets in the way. We don’t know what we will do if we don’t succeed, and forget to think about what will happen when we do. Stepping out into the unknown is scary, and so few people will take the leap and actually do it. It’s not an absence of fear, but the presence of something greater, the need to be or do more than the status quo.

This year when making your resolutions, don’t make them in fear. Think of what you would do if you knew there was no chance of failure and then focus on that and achieve it. Life is so short, and regrets of those that live long enough to look back never have to do with the mundane, they have to do with the chances they didn’t take and the joy they didn’t spread. The only one who will miss out on living your life is you.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men, definitely listen to it!

God Knows Us Better

Christmas Eve I received a beautiful sparkling ring and said, “Yes” to marrying the love of my life. Today after a long chat with my maid of honor I pulled out a book I have kept since high school filled to the brim with everything I thought my wedding should be. As I flipped through the pages I laughed at how much I have changed. I didn’t receive the $82,000 Harry Winston cushion cut diamond I thought I’d love (I probably would have killed him if I had), and I have no desire to have the formal affair I would have loved all those years ago. I love our simpler beach life and I want our wedding to reflect that.

Altheta emphasized this point even more when I realized how beautiful my ring looked next to the long sleeve running top I was purchasing for the half marathon in a few weeks. A massive cushion cut diamond would look silly on a girl that prefers Athelta workout clothes and J.Crew vintage tees. My ring is more perfectly “me” than one I could have ever picked on my own.

My ring and my life are nothing like what I thought I wanted, but despite the occasional regret it’s so much better than I could have ever imagined. Proof that God knows us better than we know ourselves.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is What a Glorious Night by Sidewalk Prophets

Long Distance Christmas

While working on my fourteen-mile run yesterday I was able to take in all the beautiful Christmas decorations near the beach, and of course had lots of time to think about the quickly approaching holiday. Last year Jimmy and I stayed in Jacksonville for Christmas. This wasn’t easy on us, or our families, but the trade off the rest of the year is definitely worth it. I’ve said this to friends and family before, but I think it is important and worth sharing. My long distance relationship with my family has made our relationships the best they have ever been.

Some people may take this in a humorous way, but I am actually being quite serious. I do miss the family get-togethers, birthday parties, and of course Christmas, but what I get in return is so much more. I have many phone conversations with my dad that I would never consider having if I lived just fifteen minutes down the road. I get lots of Disney trips with my mom that would never be possible if I didn’t live just a few hours from the park. I value every FaceTime, phone call, and visit with mine and Jimmy’s family, more so than I ever would if I thought I could see them regularly. I love that when I do see family it’s a vacation and everyone has so much joy and love to share.

I think we take for granted those we love when we have them close. I don’t think we do this intentionally, but we usually don’t take time to work on those important relationships. I catch myself doing that with Jimmy. We had a long distance relationship for two and a half years. The three Christmas seasons we were apart I remember singing along to “All I want for Christmas is You” and meaning it with all my heart. Now there are days I show more irritation than he deserves and forget to feel blessed that he is around. Every time I hear that song I remember how badly I wanted him in my life and take time to enjoy the moments we have together.

One of the biggest blessings in my life has been moving to Florida, not just because I love it more than I can describe, but also because it has brought me closer to the ones I love. I hope whether your family is near or far you take the time to remember how valuable their relationships are.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Christmas In The Sand by Colbie Caillat

Helping the Competition

I have a favorite treadmill at my gym. It is directly in front of an AC vent, which sends out wonderful bursts of cool air exactly when I need it. If I get to the gym early it gets to be mine. As I was running two girls came in to also use the treadmills. In my peripheral vision I could see the irritation on their faces. The tension was so thick it was suffocating the air I so happily waited for. They wanted treadmills next to each other and I had foiled their plan. They stood looking at the treadmills for a moment, almost hoping I would feel their presence and offer up my machine. I felt unbelievably uncomfortable, but I was half way through my three mile run and wasn’t about to hand over my treadmill to two girls that were purposely trying to make me move. So I tried another tactic, I would just out run them.

When they finally decided the two treadmills on either side of me would have to do, they jumped on at high speeds. I knew anyone that would neglect a warm up before running that fast probably wasn’t experienced with running or likely exercise in general, so I knew it wouldn’t take much effort to beat them. I only had about ten to twelve minutes left of my run, but I knew that would be enough. As I started “competing” I realized I had been the girl on both sides of this situation, the one being inconvenienced and the one causing it. I have gone to the gym with friends just to be frustrated that another girl would have a treadmill between us, and also have been that girl in the middle many times. These instances aren’t intentional, but most women take them as personal offenses. We hate on each other rather than helping each other.

This isn’t just a gym behavior it’s a life behavior. As women we tend to push each other down as we compete to be the best, barely allowing our friends to out do us. Why is this? What started this toxic behavior? Have women always felt the need to compete?

I love the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg because it talks about women needing to help other women. Rather than being terrified that another woman might take our job, our husband, or our treadmill we should instead see how we can help each other. Our focus should be how can I make another person’s life better, rather than how I can prevent her from having what I have.

I could have smiled and told the girls I only had ten minutes left, but instead I made a negative situation worse. Was my decision fatal? Absolutely not, but making that small decision to add joy rather than to aggravate the problem could have made the day better for all three of us. We may have become friends rather than girls who compete. After all having more friends is always a positive.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Defying Gravity from the Wicked soundtrack. Definitely motivational and uplifting!

You Can Have Anything You Want ...

You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything. Growing up my dad would regularly repeat this line to emphasize life is about choices. For everything you choose something else must be sacrificed, whether it be time, money, or other opportunities. I often remind myself of this phrase when I ask “what do I want?”

Until a few years ago I was an excellent saver. At the time I felt guilty for not saving more, but looking back I was quite impressive. On a limited income I was able to save almost half of what I made. I became even more impressive with saving when I became a consultant dietitian. As a consultant I would send invoices for payment and sometimes the checks would take over a month to arrive. Because of the possible delay in payment, I lived well below my means and always had plenty of money in savings in case it had to pay the rent. At that time I would also compare anything I might purchase to a cruise. I was going through a difficult depression and the only thing that would offer glimmers of happiness was a vacation. Particularly ones that took me to other beaches and out to sea. I would occasionally buy myself new items from Lilly Pulitzer, but it all stood the “cruise test” before making it into my shopping bag.

Financially I was doing incredibly well, but mentally I was falling apart. Things got worse when I found out my boyfriend’s family wasn’t thrilled by all the vacations we were taking and I had to be cut off from my regular cruising. I started looking for other areas to find pieces of happiness and dove head first into becoming one of the top customers for Lilly Pulitzer. In case you are unfamiliar with the brand, becoming one of those top customers means you are regularly spending a small fortune. The beautiful atmosphere of the store and the fantastic girls that worked there kept me coming back for more.

I realized I had a problem after spending over $700 on sale merchandise that I had passed up on previous visits. My friend Betsy taught me that if you didn’t love an item enough to pay full price for it, then it certainly wasn’t worth buying on sale. I hadn’t loved any of those items enough before and I definitely wasn’t waiting on baited breath for anything to come into a cheaper price range, I simply wanted the emotional high of buying pretty Lilly items. Since there was no new stock I made do with what was available.

Although it’s been two years since I first recognized the problem my spending still needs significant improvement. My income has decreased twice, and although I have tried adjusting my budget I haven’t always been successful. I still love going out for nice dinners and want to buy everything I’m coveting. I’ve also started several businesses, which any entrepreneur knows takes a chunk of money. Because I felt guilt over my investing, I would restrict my spending only to what would benefit my business. After long periods of denying myself I would hit a wall then overindulge. The guilt that comes with that is never worth the purchases, but I also haven’t gotten myself to stop this toxic behavior.

I now find myself surround by things I thought I wanted that are now causing the clutter in my apartment. I would love to just get rid of everything except I need to pay bills and feel guilty not selling what can be sold. I also need someone with no attachment to my stuff to help me make decisions on everything I need to part with. Expensive or unused purchases are the hardest for me to give away or sell, but that doesn’t make them useful to my lifestyle now.

This weekend I decided I needed to start a new plan. I started again debating what do I want? Do I really want stuff? Where do I want my time and resources to go? So far this is what I’ve decided. I want to live in a clutter free environment. I want my apartment to be a place of joy and relaxation and not a place of stress. I want to enjoy drinks and dinners with friends. I want to go to Hawaii and eat the amazing fresh fruit. I want to travel to the real French Polynesia, not just the recreated version in Disney World. I want to speak fluent French. I want my beautiful home on the beach. I want to not stress over my every purchase and I want to live my life more carefree.

With these “wants” in mind I’ve created a new plan. I am starting with “Do I want this more than Tahiti?” If I think the answer might be yes I am following up with a second question: “Do I want this to take a spot in my apartment?” And then lastly: “Is this going to bring me peace?” I think the last is the most important question. My goal in life is to be content. Fighting constant battles with guilt and stress makes contentment far out of reach.

Yesterday I started this change with putting motivating beach pictures on the home screen of my iPad. Today I returned $120 worth of stuff to Nordstrom that I wasn’t in love with and started seriously using my budget app on my phone. By tomorrow I am planning to have several items up for sale on eBay. I know this will not be easy, but in the long run it will definitely be worth it.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Mele Kalikimaka by Bing Crosby, definitely a classic!

Feeling Grateful

Today I decided to try something different. Maybe it was wanting a better week or maybe the influence of Thanksgiving, but today I decided I was not going to say anything negative and instead give thanks in everything. This idea came to me last night when I was unbelievably grateful for the beautiful day that allowed me to go for a walk on the beach with my friend Chelsea. I realized I’m not grateful enough for my day-to-day life and how could I ever expect more if I’m not happy with what I got. So I first started with being grateful that my cat Bob peed in his litter box. Sounds so simple, but with his personality and bladder issues that tends to be a problem. I went on to be grateful to have dishes to put away while I heated my oatmeal. I was thankful for the beautiful weather this morning and for the good music while driving to work.

Walking into work I noticed a difference in my attitude. I’m usually smiling as I say hi to those I work with, but I’m not usually happy that time of morning. It amazed me how different I felt so far, so I was motivated to keep going. I was grateful for the desk I got to use (as a consultant I’m lucky to have an actual space to work) and for the friends I got to share the office with. I was grateful that my charts were easy to find and the weights for those residents were available. I was grateful that one of my tube feeding residents was eating, grateful that my work wasn’t as extensive as I expected it to be, grateful the rain held off while I ran to pick up lunch, grateful that I had a wonderful store like Native Sun to pick up a wholesome lunch from.

The more I was grateful the happier I became. Today was a typical day and I could have spent it wishing I was somewhere else or doing something more, but instead I was grateful just to be. It wasn’t easy. There were several moments I caught myself starting to say something negative or starting to feel complacent, but as soon as I noticed I found something new to give thanks for.

My goal is to continue this. It was nice to feel happy. Not only happy, but joyful in everything. Joyful in a day that I may not have found joy in otherwise.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Thrive by Casting Crowns. I hope it brings you joy!

Eleven Miles

Yesterday was my “little” brother’s birthday. There are certain days of the year that are more difficult for me than others and his birthday is one of them. I reminisce on our childhood, text and call him, and then think of everything I wish we had done before we were “adults.” Most of all I miss him. I don’t think there are accidents in this life. God’s planning constantly amazes me. On top of it being Christopher’s birthday I had also just had a very difficult week. One that was pushing me into a place I didn’t want to be. I knew why everything was happening; it just didn’t make it easier.

Last month when I was peering over my running schedule I noted that November 22^nd I would be running 11 miles. Because of my brother, my favorite number is 22 and I thought it was fitting to run 11 miles on 11/22. As the day arrived I wondered if my abilities were where they should be. My speed had increased significantly. I felt better running than I ever had, but recently there were days that I experienced numbness in my right leg while running. This has only happened twice, but it has affected my run during both instances. I was also experiencing numbness during other activities over the past week and was concerned that my body might not allow me to cooperate with my schedule. Along with being concerned over my physical ability, this would also be the first time I would be running outside during my training.

I decided to run close to the beach. I wanted a route with minimal traffic and running along First Street would mean a nice view, sidewalks and no traffic lights. There were moments I loved like glimpses of the beach and being grateful for how much more I was physically able to do, but for the most part it was difficult. I ran from Atlantic Beach to Ponte Vedra then back. I had no idea that the distance between the two locations was only five and a half miles. As I hit my ninth mile I physically hurt. My legs and my hips were telling me to stop. I had already increased my intervals of running and walking, but I was determined to run most of what I had left.

When I needed support the most my playlist turned to “Open Up the Heavens” by Meredith Andrews then “Lay It Down” by Santus Real. I felt like not only was I being supported during this physically taxing run, but also during my mentally taxing week and everything else that will come from it. I realized why I was running. God knew I would need something to help me through this difficult time, so He gave me something tempting enough to make me start running again. I was able to finish my run just as strong as I started. I couldn’t believe what I had accomplished and thanked God for leading me through. I wasn’t “better” yet, but I knew I would be.

I’m not sure what my coming week will bring and I know that more difficulties are very likely on the way, but I know through it all God will bring me the love and support I need at the moments I need it the most. After all He knows me better than I know myself.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Lay It Down by Sanctus Real

Faith

Exactly one year ago today I attended a conference in Miami and I knew my life would be dramatically different. I knew “this time next year” my life would not be the same. What I didn’t know was how. I thought my life would change financially. It did, but that’s because I chose to cut my hours with my company. I thought I would be successful in my own business and have the freedom to completely arrange my schedule. That would have been nice, but what really happened was more life changing.

Last year I attended a ridiculous amount of conferences and education opportunities. Anything I thought would benefit my business I attended. One of the best was Darren Hardy’s High Performance Summit. This took place in South Beach and after such a phenomenal weekend I knew I would become a better version of myself.

Not long after the conference I completed an activity we had also done that day. It was a value assessment. The first time I completed the assessment I was thinking more business minded and my top values were dependability, confidence and freedom. The second time I did the assessment I thought of personal values. This time my results were Faith, Freedom, and Confidence.

I remember how I felt with my answers. My faith is such a big part of my life and I knew listing it first was a true assessment of me. I think God saw my list and said something along the lines of “you think you have a strong faith now, just wait.” 

Over the past year my faith has grown exponentially. My faith was tested and I came out stronger than I ever could imagine. I gave up businesses that I loved and tried to listen to where God wanted me, instead of where I wanted me. I attended a retreat called Christ Renews His Parish (definitely recommend this to anyone that has the opportunity) and had no idea that it wasn’t just a retreat, but six months of growing with some of the most amazing women I will ever know.

A year later I am different, in the best ways possible. I love life differently. I live more for the moment, not for 5 years from now. I love stronger and nurture my relationships better. I’m less egocentric and open my mind more to those around me. I have removed most judgment for other people and catch myself when I’m starting to make assumptions about others.

The best part is I’m happy, happier than I’ve ever been. Life isn’t easier; in fact there is more unknown and probably more stress than before, but through the mess I can still be happy. I love myself and my life, and can’t wait to see what God has next. Really what more could you ask for?

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is The Broken Beautiful by Ellie Holcomb

Competing With Guilt

My favorite thing about running is finishing. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the process, although I’m not going to lie it’s rare that I enjoy running the entire time I’m doing it, but the finish is the best. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment I get after I run. Saturday was the longest run I’ve ever completed. I did 7.25 miles and I have to say the sense of accomplishment was wonderful. I was only supposed to do 6.5 miles, but I tend to push myself at the end. I always want to stop on a certain minute or mileage point, but then I usually pick another point to beat.  I compete with myself and see how far I can go.

I tend to compete with myself in most areas of my life. How far can I run? How fast can I work? Can I meet my goals younger than expected? Can I accomplish more today than I did yesterday? Sometimes this is motivating, but it can also be exhausting. Some days I want to be able to enjoy life more without the extra dose of guilt. I am a master of guilt.

I can make myself feel guilty over not exercising enough, not keeping my apartment clean, spending too much money, eating the wrong foods, taking time for myself, reading, watching movies, taking time to go to the beach, not calling friends and family enough, not finishing my endless to do list … the list of guilt goes on and on. I wish I could live without the guilt.

My boyfriend Jimmy is great at living in the moment and letting go of what doesn’t matter. This is why I fell in love with him. He could relax me and help me see what was important in life and what was not. Six years later he can still relax me, but it’s more of a challenge now. It’s easier out of the apartment, especially if he can get me to the beach or a good restaurant. I love being with his family too. They have a similar effect. I get the feeling I can let go of all my “to do’s” for a while and just enjoy the moment. I know this is why God put us together. I was always too caught up with the future and forgot to enjoy the moments I was in.  I try to learn from Jimmy, especially when I want to throw up my hands and cry because I can’t meet my impossible standards. I ask myself what really matters, and at the end of the day what pushes me to the brink usually doesn’t. Until I master letting go I will keep running, because some days pushing yourself a little further is all you can do.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Shake It Out by Florence and The Machine. I always find it therapeutic

Nordstrom meet Jacksonville

Today is the grand opening of Nordstrom in Jacksonville, Florida. I have been patiently awaiting it’s arrival over the past year and showed up in time for the eight am beauty bash pre-opening this morning.  I have to say it was a fun morning. I have never been to a Nordstrom opening, or opening of any department store, but this one was definitely a great time. I loved the store when I lived in Atlanta, and was particularly excited that this location was walking distance from my apartment. My alarm went off at 6:45 and by 7:50 I was heading to the festivities. After an ok experience at the Lancôme table, Bobbi Brown hit it out of the park! Great lip, beautiful blush, and the best eye makeup ever! My friends and I were looking great just in time for the count down to open the doors.

The scene reminded me of a glamorous version of the opening of Magic Kingdom the day after Christmas. Swarms of women flew through the doors ready to purchase everything there was to offer. The parade lead upstairs to the mecca of women’s clothing. I’ve never seen so many giddy women in one place. Everyone had been anticipating this morning and they couldn’t wait to try it all!

After some light shopping and meeting the stylists it was time for a snack. The Nordstrom eBar was the obvious choice. I was impressed with the organic options, (you can even buy cage free hard boiled eggs) and the composting/recycling cups and to-go containers. Nothing makes me happier to see than healthy food options with earth friendly products!

After a short break at home for a while, I headed back to try the new Nordstrom bar and restaurant Bazille. The blueberry lavender cocktail was delicious to start, I’m excited to try more of their handcrafted drinks! The service was great and we even received a phenomenal bread pudding on the house!

I ended my fantastic day purchasing the super cute Under Armour workout tank than Jen wore on The Biggest Loser last week (the white team’s personal trainer if you are familiar with the show). This was super exciting as I tried googling where to find the tank, and sadly the world doesn’t care as much about the clothes the personal trainers wear like they do with the clothes worn on the Bachelorette. I was ecstatic that Nordstrom not only had the tank I was coveting, but also an extensive selection of great workout clothing! May have to head back tomorrow and shop some more!

Until next time!

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor, catchy with a great beat!

Let It Go

Today at three and a half miles I decided new running shoes were not a want but a need. My current running shoes were a random purchase during a short visit to Louisville, Kentucky, and it wasn’t until I returned to Florida that I realized it was a bad decision. They were cute, but not perfect for my feet. A year and a half later I still have them. When I am serious about buying gym shoes I usually go to specialty running stores to be fitted. Instead the pretty hot pink and neon yellow lured me into buying without properly running in them. Between the guilt over my impulse purchase and regular Tracy Anderson workouts (without the shoes) I haven’t considered getting a new pair. Multiple blisters in my arches changed that feeling this afternoon.  I am planning on using an older pair tomorrow then purchasing new ones on Monday. Today’s theme seemed to be letting go, and not just of old shoes. This morning on my way to work I listened to Joel Osteen’s Sunday message. I usually attend church over the weekend so I save his sermons for mornings when I need extra motivation.  This sermon was titled “Stay on the Potter’s Wheel.” A piece of the message was about letting go, and although it applies to my poor shoe purchase, it also prepared me for the day ahead.

As I’ve said in previous posts, I Love Disney (it is the driving factor for my running 13.1 miles in case you missed that). One of my favorite Disney songs is “Let It Go” from the movie Frozen. It’s therapeutic every time I listen to it. I won’t go into a long dissertation of my life story right now, but I will say I’ve battled with anxiety for most of my life. A big part of that battle is letting go of situations I can’t change. Many of the times I have been serious about running it was never about the run, it was about the war in my head. Running helped me see straight.

Unknowingly I had a few battles waiting for me a work today. I am a registered dietitian and I was doing clinical work at a long-term care facility. I usually go to this building on Thursdays, but this week I had a change in my schedule. Around 9:30am I remembered why I avoided this building on Wednesdays. Between care plan meetings and other clinicians in the building, acquiring the charts I needed and keeping them was difficult. This was enough to push me to the edge, especially since my phone was ringing every 2 minutes for 3 hours straight (I wish I was exaggerating), but to top it off a physician’s assistant found a few charts she needed in my pile. I try to be nice when others need charts and simply request they bring them back to me once they’ve finished. When I made this simple request she rudely told me no and walked out of the room. There aren’t many things that make me want to get on a soapbox, but people that think they are better than other people is one of them. Your title is not who you are, and people should be treated equally no matter their career. None of us are holier than thou, and I think many people need to be reminded of that. (Ok I’m off my soapbox now).

After she left the room I was immediately upset. Not only with the way she treated me, but also with how little I reacted. I was hurt that someone would treat me with so little respect, and mad that there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I was about to head in a very negative direction emotionally when I remembered what Joel had said this morning. God is constantly molding us, and if we don’t listen the first time He will keep working. So I changed my reaction. What amazes me the most is I actually let it go and never became angry. In the past letting go was never this easy. The situation I encountered today would have bothered me through the evening and likely on future visits. I know I must have had assistance to let it go. Maybe it’s a reward for finally getting the message. Either way I’m trying to listen more attentively to make my lessons less painful. In the meantime I will keep running and reminding myself to “Let It Go.”

Until next time!

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Rise by Shawn McDonald. I hope you enjoy it too!

Extreme Weight Loss and Training Day 3

Needless to say my extra running on Friday took a toll on me over the weekend. I looked like I had some issues with my legs while walking around Atlanta, which I’m sure provided some joy to the people around me. I meant to do extra stretching on Friday as the five hour car ride would not be good after that workout. Sadly I ignored my advice and paid for it all weekend and during my workout today. Probably won’t make that mistake again, at least not for a while.

Last night after my long car ride back to Jacksonville I found the Extreme Weight Loss episode with the Disney half marathon on ABC’s website. I love the Biggest Loser and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about Extreme Weight Loss. After watching I decided I love the concept, I just want to watch more of the process. I don’t think ABC would consider dividing the shows into multiple episodes, but I felt like I missed so much of their year since the big focuses are the beginning, the weigh-ins, and the finale. One of the trainers was pregnant then had a baby, and it was barely mentioned. The times it was, it was in the context of comparing a father daughter/mother daughter relationship to the contestants’ relationship, which I thought was a little bizarre. I am keeping my mind open and willing to give it another try, so I will see how I feel after the next episode.  Either way I am grateful it allowed me to sign up for the Disney World Marathon Weekend Half Marathon.

Until next time!

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Dirt by Florida Georgia Line. Great cool down song that reminds me of home.