My favorite thing about running is finishing. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the process, although I’m not going to lie it’s rare that I enjoy running the entire time I’m doing it, but the finish is the best. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment I get after I run. Saturday was the longest run I’ve ever completed. I did 7.25 miles and I have to say the sense of accomplishment was wonderful. I was only supposed to do 6.5 miles, but I tend to push myself at the end. I always want to stop on a certain minute or mileage point, but then I usually pick another point to beat.  I compete with myself and see how far I can go.

I tend to compete with myself in most areas of my life. How far can I run? How fast can I work? Can I meet my goals younger than expected? Can I accomplish more today than I did yesterday? Sometimes this is motivating, but it can also be exhausting. Some days I want to be able to enjoy life more without the extra dose of guilt. I am a master of guilt.

I can make myself feel guilty over not exercising enough, not keeping my apartment clean, spending too much money, eating the wrong foods, taking time for myself, reading, watching movies, taking time to go to the beach, not calling friends and family enough, not finishing my endless to do list … the list of guilt goes on and on. I wish I could live without the guilt.

My boyfriend Jimmy is great at living in the moment and letting go of what doesn’t matter. This is why I fell in love with him. He could relax me and help me see what was important in life and what was not. Six years later he can still relax me, but it’s more of a challenge now. It’s easier out of the apartment, especially if he can get me to the beach or a good restaurant. I love being with his family too. They have a similar effect. I get the feeling I can let go of all my “to do’s” for a while and just enjoy the moment. I know this is why God put us together. I was always too caught up with the future and forgot to enjoy the moments I was in.  I try to learn from Jimmy, especially when I want to throw up my hands and cry because I can’t meet my impossible standards. I ask myself what really matters, and at the end of the day what pushes me to the brink usually doesn’t. Until I master letting go I will keep running, because some days pushing yourself a little further is all you can do.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Shake It Out by Florence and The Machine. I always find it therapeutic