Yesterday was my “little” brother’s birthday. There are certain days of the year that are more difficult for me than others and his birthday is one of them. I reminisce on our childhood, text and call him, and then think of everything I wish we had done before we were “adults.” Most of all I miss him.
I don’t think there are accidents in this life. God’s planning constantly amazes me. On top of it being Christopher’s birthday I had also just had a very difficult week. One that was pushing me into a place I didn’t want to be. I knew why everything was happening; it just didn’t make it easier.
Last month when I was peering over my running schedule I noted that November 22nd I would be running 11 miles. Because of my brother, my favorite number is 22 and I thought it was fitting to run 11 miles on 11/22. As the day arrived I wondered if my abilities were where they should be. My speed had increased significantly. I felt better running than I ever had, but recently there were days that I experienced numbness in my right leg while running. This has only happened twice, but it has affected my run during both instances. I was also experiencing numbness during other activities over the past week and was concerned that my body might not allow me to cooperate with my schedule. Along with being concerned over my physical ability, this would also be the first time I would be running outside during my training.
I decided to run close to the beach. I wanted a route with minimal traffic and running along First Street would mean a nice view, sidewalks and no traffic lights. There were moments I loved like glimpses of the beach and being grateful for how much more I was physically able to do, but for the most part it was difficult. I ran from Atlantic Beach to Ponte Vedra then back. I had no idea that the distance between the two locations was only five and a half miles. As I hit my ninth mile I physically hurt. My legs and my hips were telling me to stop. I had already increased my intervals of running and walking, but I was determined to run most of what I had left.
When I needed support the most my playlist turned to “Open Up the Heavens” by Meredith Andrews then “Lay It Down” by Santus Real. I felt like not only was I being supported during this physically taxing run, but also during my mentally taxing week and everything else that will come from it. I realized why I was running. God knew I would need something to help me through this difficult time, so He gave me something tempting enough to make me start running again. I was able to finish my run just as strong as I started. I couldn’t believe what I had accomplished and thanked God for leading me through. I wasn’t “better” yet, but I knew I would be.
I’m not sure what my coming week will bring and I know that more difficulties are very likely on the way, but I know through it all God will bring me the love and support I need at the moments I need it the most. After all He knows me better than I know myself.
Until next time,
Kaycee
P.S. My favorite song today is Lay It Down by Sanctus Real