Conquering Perfectionism

I struggle with being a perfectionist. Although I hate that part of myself, ridding it has been an impossible task. I am incredibly hard on myself when I see my faults, and when others point them out it nearly kills me. God has put a lot of effort into trying to break this. Every mistake I am confronted with feels like a bomb exploding. Sometimes the repercussions last only an hour, which is a significant improvement, others I’m still trying to move on from.

I do see where every mistake has made me a better person. I am a more compassionate person. I forgive easier and pass less judgment on others and myself. I am a better friend, sister, daughter, and fiancé. I see the world as a lot of people mixed together that need a lot of help and not a lot of criticism.

Now that I see purpose in my failures my faith grows with each one. I still feel pain, I still fall down, but I get up and listen a lot faster. The hurt doesn’t last as long, and thanks to the beautiful Florida weather it takes a lot less time to put life back into perspective.

I’ve been given so my gifts and every mistake I’ve made is included in those.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Don’t Worry ‘Bout a Thing by SHeDAISY

Lessons in Humiliation

“Accept whatever happens to you; in periods of humiliation be patient. For in fire gold is tested, and the chosen, in the crucible of humiliation.” Ecclesiaticus 2:4-5 Over the past week I have felt betrayed and humiliated. My integrity and my work were questioned, and although I came out on top, it didn’t make the experience any easier.

We go through hard times to push us to be the person we need to be. This was an unexpected trial and I’m not sure as to where it will lead. I know sometimes I have to be shoved into my next chapter in life, and I’m not sure if these occurrences are to help me move on, or to simply help me grow.

In times of pain I reflect on what I am supposed to learn in the situation. Life is a series of learning experiences, and in the hopes of only having to learn a lesson once I try to pay attention.

One lesson I have learned in situations like these is to be kind in the face of adversity. This is not an easy lesson for someone who likes to fight her battles. I don’t appreciate unearned anger directed toward me, and I don’t stand for false accusations made about my work or my character. In times when I feel myself wanting to scream and win my battle I have to remind myself that the words I say cannot be taken back, and if I sink to that level my character sinks with it. This is not to say I haven’t failed in the past and wished I could take back the awful words I have said, but I started out in life a kind person and I would like to finish life the same.

Another lesson I have learned is to be grateful for the norm. We tend to miss the good in our day-to-day lives because we forget that it can be considered good. We love the days that the sun shines and everything is wonderful, but everyday has its positives. On the normal workdays I remind myself of some of the great people I get to work with, and the lack of problems standing in my way. I may have tasks that I don’t want to do, but I am capable of doing them. I may have some minor aggravations, but nothing that should shatter my day. After all my family and I are happy and healthy and that’s what matters most.

Although I don’t enjoy any of the trials I go through, I learn to see the silver lining. I am able to find joy and love in the mundane and be grateful for the life I get to lead.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Crushin’ It by Brad Paisley

Fixing Complaints

Yesterday was the start of Lent. Since most calendars have decided not to advertise Ash Wednesday, including the ones on my iPhone, I had no idea until something was mentioned on the radio on the way to work. I have given up something every year since I was 10, and knowing the Lenten season was coming had already decided that I would give up complaining until Easter. Sadly I failed the first morning due to lack of knowledge and prepared mindset. I really hate complaining, but for some reason I do it anyway. One of the most embarrassing moments I have ever experienced was when I was living in Atlanta. A mutual friend of my roommate and mine was asking about my current rotation in my residency program. After discussing it for a few minutes she asked if my next rotation would be easier and I said no and gave a small explanation. After I made it to my room and shut the door I overheard my roommate talk about how stupid I was (she wasn’t not the nicest of people) and that the rotation was not difficult. It was a horrible moment, but what was worse was the fact that I didn’t view the rotations as difficult or even that stressful, I had used complaining as a form of conversation. I then realized it was something I had been unconsciously doing for years!

Although it was an awful way to discover one of my faults, I am so appreciative it was brought to my attention so I could fix it. That was five years ago and I’m still working on my complaining. I no longer use complaints for sources of conversation, but I do tend to “vent” when it is not always necessary and I definitely do more than my share when spilling aggravations. I decided this Lent would be a good time to kick the habit for good. After all God gave me an amazing life and I should relish that, not focus on the small negatives in my way. I can’t wait to improve.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Mean To Me by Brett Eldredge

Lessons in Control

I think God is trying to teach me a lesson about control. I am sick in bed needing to go to the doctor for the first time in 5 years and unable to go because I’m uninsured. Many people who know me might find this slightly hilarious. Not only do I regularly sanitize all surfaces, including my phone, and drink things like noni to prevent illness, I also am incredibly particular when it comes to anything serious like insurance. Despite the fact that when I decided to change insurances I questioned my sales rep about electronic signatures, future emails, and repeatedly clarified that there was nothing else I needed to do, I am without insurance. The entire situation is ironic, which means there is a lesson. I have no control in the insurance company righting it’s wrong, and I certainly have no say in when I recover. Two things I very much do not enjoy. A born perfectionist, letting go of control has never been easy. I recently saw a commercial where a comedian referred to himself as a “control enthusiast,” I thought this term was hilarious and sadly could identify all to well with it.

I have been doing better with control, but apparently still need some work. On the improvement side I don’t feel the need for the kitchen counters to be cleaned to perfection. I understand my clothes may get ruined despite all my best efforts. I can let others be in charge of items or projects that I value. I’ve learned to delegate, and I’ve learned you can’t control the process of delegated tasks (i.e. how the bathroom is cleaned). I’ve learned to give up control over some of the little things that don’t really matter, but I haven’t given up enough control yet.

Although I know I can only control my attitude and the decisions I make I am still working to put this into practice. Clearly this is an opportunity to do just that.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Shoulders by for KING & COUNTRY

None of My Business

I've received lots of great advice over the years. One of the most freeing pieces came from my good friend Betsy. She told me what other people thought was none of my business. For someone like me who lived a significant chunk of her life "people pleasing" this was quite revolutionary.

We all want control in some aspects, and the more delusional of us think we can control other people's thoughts and reactions to us. You can get quite good at predicting reactions if you know a person well enough, but is that how you want to spend your life, living it for others?

I knew the tendency in myself to want approval. When I decided to move to Florida part of that decision was based on the fact that I needed to be able to become my own person without constantly feeling like I was disappointing someone.

Disappointment from friends and family was always difficult for me. It didn't matter if what I said or did wasn't something to be disappointed in, I could feel when I wasn't quite meeting expectations. I try to forget the regrets over silly things I said and did over my lifetime, but I wasn't able to really start attempting to free myself until I heard that wonderful advice.

We can't control what the world says or thinks; we can only control our actions and reactions. We will screw up, but as long as there is a tomorrow we have a shot to be better.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Don't Worry 'Bout a Thing by SHeDAISY

Comparison is the Death of Happiness

Comparison is the death of happiness. I think this is a significant thought. One of those that is easy to say, but hard to do. I think most people realize when they compare something they have to a better version of someone else’s that nothing positive can come out of it, but I think it’s particularly hard when you don’t know the entire story.

It’s easy to see the big house on the water, the giant diamond earnings, or the lavish trip to Europe, but do we see the rest. The relationship we wouldn’t want, the bills that are stressful to pay, and the time away from family and friends.

When I find myself coveting what others have I ask myself “Would I rather be her instead of me,” because if I had that item right now I would have to be that person right now.

I regularly beat myself up over not accomplishing enough, not crossing enough off my to do list, and not having what I expected at this point in life, but what would have to give to have those things? Less time with Jimmy, no palm tree out my window, a life I wasn’t happy living?

I try to remind myself of what I do have when I find myself wishing for more. I have a great apartment, a loving fiancé, a fluffy orange kitty, and a short drive to the beach. I am happy with the person I am becoming and wouldn’t want to change any of the experiences that made me who I am today. I am not perfect, but I’m good enough for me.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My song of the day is The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

Working Toward Peace

Every time I wear my ring to the gym I fall in love with it even more. I think it’s the gorgeous simplicity that gets me. Maybe it’s how it looks with my workout clothes or maybe it’s the run, but I love that it happens every time. I also love that in falling in love I gain a sense of peace, and a sense of who I really am. I was such a princessy girly girl for so long that it amazes me how different I am now. This is accented even more when thinking about the wedding. Initially I was stressed considering what I wanted. There are so many options, and things I used to love don’t bring me the same joy anymore. This isn’t just about deciding on linens and dresses, it’s realizing who I have become.

Up until three years ago I took any excuse to dress up. I loved my high heels and used any excuse to wear them. Over the past two years I’ve realized I like a casual summer dress paired with leather flip flops over anything else I own. This seems minor, but the change was so much more than my wardrobe. I’ve gone through a crazy transformation mentally, and some days I’m still figuring out who I am and what means the most to me. I love life so much more, and value simplicity over glamour.

Today in the solitude of the gym I was able to think clearly. I think sometimes God uses these times to help us in the right direction and give us peace. I would have never imagined the person I have become, but I know it’s part of the journey He has for me. Sometimes all it takes is a little space and a good run to appreciate all that is wonderful in life.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song of the day is Good life by OneRepublic

Dream On

Many of us have heard that we can be anything we want, but do we actually believe it? When we are young we tend to think the sky is the limit. We dream of becoming ballerinas, football stars, writers, musicians; as we grow older we give up so easily on those dreams. We forget that we can be something more.

I had many dreams growing up. The one I held when I was close to starting college was to become a journalist for a fashion magazine. I didn’t believe enough in myself, so I picked a side route with nutrition. I had always had an interest in nutrition, and many popular magazines were starting to have nutrition segments. From there I realized I didn’t need a journalism degree to write as a nutrition expert and stopped my writing path. I never felt like I was a writer. My brother has amazing talent in creative writing and even had a play performed at the Kentucky Center in high school. He was the writer; I just enjoyed magazines.

It wasn’t until I was joining a blogging group on Facebook not terribly long ago and had to actually have the title “writer” on my Facebook page that I allowed myself to even think about being considered a writer.

When I was young I would have proudly said I would be a writer when I grew up, but at the age of 27 with only high school journalism under my belt it felt intimidating. Who would enjoy reading my thoughts?

Running posed the same threat. Announcing that I would be running a half marathon to close friends and family felt like I was playing pretend. I’m not a runner. I have rarely enjoyed running and the idea of running more than a mile or two sounded quite difficult. It wasn’t until the middle of the race that I realized my own strength and felt like a true runner.

Why do we give ourselves so little credit? We are capable of anything we put our minds to, but instead many times we take the safe route. We stress over what we would lose rather than think of what we could gain.

What could you gain?

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Brave by Sara Bareilles

Facing Fear

Fear is a funny thing. We can rule our lives on our fears, fear of failing, fear of losing, fear of death, fear of life. It’s so easy to jump straight into our ambition when we are facing a new beginning. We resolve to do new things, develop better behaviors, and stretch our goals. There can be excitement in the unknown, but there is also underlying fear. Fear of screwing up, fear of not making the right choices, fear of failing at our dreams. Fear is what stops the world from taking chances.

We start out with goals and ambition, and then so many times our anxiety gets in the way. We don’t know what we will do if we don’t succeed, and forget to think about what will happen when we do. Stepping out into the unknown is scary, and so few people will take the leap and actually do it. It’s not an absence of fear, but the presence of something greater, the need to be or do more than the status quo.

This year when making your resolutions, don’t make them in fear. Think of what you would do if you knew there was no chance of failure and then focus on that and achieve it. Life is so short, and regrets of those that live long enough to look back never have to do with the mundane, they have to do with the chances they didn’t take and the joy they didn’t spread. The only one who will miss out on living your life is you.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men, definitely listen to it!

God Knows Us Better

Christmas Eve I received a beautiful sparkling ring and said, “Yes” to marrying the love of my life. Today after a long chat with my maid of honor I pulled out a book I have kept since high school filled to the brim with everything I thought my wedding should be. As I flipped through the pages I laughed at how much I have changed. I didn’t receive the $82,000 Harry Winston cushion cut diamond I thought I’d love (I probably would have killed him if I had), and I have no desire to have the formal affair I would have loved all those years ago. I love our simpler beach life and I want our wedding to reflect that.

Altheta emphasized this point even more when I realized how beautiful my ring looked next to the long sleeve running top I was purchasing for the half marathon in a few weeks. A massive cushion cut diamond would look silly on a girl that prefers Athelta workout clothes and J.Crew vintage tees. My ring is more perfectly “me” than one I could have ever picked on my own.

My ring and my life are nothing like what I thought I wanted, but despite the occasional regret it’s so much better than I could have ever imagined. Proof that God knows us better than we know ourselves.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is What a Glorious Night by Sidewalk Prophets

Long Distance Christmas

While working on my fourteen-mile run yesterday I was able to take in all the beautiful Christmas decorations near the beach, and of course had lots of time to think about the quickly approaching holiday. Last year Jimmy and I stayed in Jacksonville for Christmas. This wasn’t easy on us, or our families, but the trade off the rest of the year is definitely worth it. I’ve said this to friends and family before, but I think it is important and worth sharing. My long distance relationship with my family has made our relationships the best they have ever been.

Some people may take this in a humorous way, but I am actually being quite serious. I do miss the family get-togethers, birthday parties, and of course Christmas, but what I get in return is so much more. I have many phone conversations with my dad that I would never consider having if I lived just fifteen minutes down the road. I get lots of Disney trips with my mom that would never be possible if I didn’t live just a few hours from the park. I value every FaceTime, phone call, and visit with mine and Jimmy’s family, more so than I ever would if I thought I could see them regularly. I love that when I do see family it’s a vacation and everyone has so much joy and love to share.

I think we take for granted those we love when we have them close. I don’t think we do this intentionally, but we usually don’t take time to work on those important relationships. I catch myself doing that with Jimmy. We had a long distance relationship for two and a half years. The three Christmas seasons we were apart I remember singing along to “All I want for Christmas is You” and meaning it with all my heart. Now there are days I show more irritation than he deserves and forget to feel blessed that he is around. Every time I hear that song I remember how badly I wanted him in my life and take time to enjoy the moments we have together.

One of the biggest blessings in my life has been moving to Florida, not just because I love it more than I can describe, but also because it has brought me closer to the ones I love. I hope whether your family is near or far you take the time to remember how valuable their relationships are.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Christmas In The Sand by Colbie Caillat

Helping the Competition

I have a favorite treadmill at my gym. It is directly in front of an AC vent, which sends out wonderful bursts of cool air exactly when I need it. If I get to the gym early it gets to be mine. As I was running two girls came in to also use the treadmills. In my peripheral vision I could see the irritation on their faces. The tension was so thick it was suffocating the air I so happily waited for. They wanted treadmills next to each other and I had foiled their plan. They stood looking at the treadmills for a moment, almost hoping I would feel their presence and offer up my machine. I felt unbelievably uncomfortable, but I was half way through my three mile run and wasn’t about to hand over my treadmill to two girls that were purposely trying to make me move. So I tried another tactic, I would just out run them.

When they finally decided the two treadmills on either side of me would have to do, they jumped on at high speeds. I knew anyone that would neglect a warm up before running that fast probably wasn’t experienced with running or likely exercise in general, so I knew it wouldn’t take much effort to beat them. I only had about ten to twelve minutes left of my run, but I knew that would be enough. As I started “competing” I realized I had been the girl on both sides of this situation, the one being inconvenienced and the one causing it. I have gone to the gym with friends just to be frustrated that another girl would have a treadmill between us, and also have been that girl in the middle many times. These instances aren’t intentional, but most women take them as personal offenses. We hate on each other rather than helping each other.

This isn’t just a gym behavior it’s a life behavior. As women we tend to push each other down as we compete to be the best, barely allowing our friends to out do us. Why is this? What started this toxic behavior? Have women always felt the need to compete?

I love the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg because it talks about women needing to help other women. Rather than being terrified that another woman might take our job, our husband, or our treadmill we should instead see how we can help each other. Our focus should be how can I make another person’s life better, rather than how I can prevent her from having what I have.

I could have smiled and told the girls I only had ten minutes left, but instead I made a negative situation worse. Was my decision fatal? Absolutely not, but making that small decision to add joy rather than to aggravate the problem could have made the day better for all three of us. We may have become friends rather than girls who compete. After all having more friends is always a positive.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Defying Gravity from the Wicked soundtrack. Definitely motivational and uplifting!

You Can Have Anything You Want ...

You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything. Growing up my dad would regularly repeat this line to emphasize life is about choices. For everything you choose something else must be sacrificed, whether it be time, money, or other opportunities. I often remind myself of this phrase when I ask “what do I want?”

Until a few years ago I was an excellent saver. At the time I felt guilty for not saving more, but looking back I was quite impressive. On a limited income I was able to save almost half of what I made. I became even more impressive with saving when I became a consultant dietitian. As a consultant I would send invoices for payment and sometimes the checks would take over a month to arrive. Because of the possible delay in payment, I lived well below my means and always had plenty of money in savings in case it had to pay the rent. At that time I would also compare anything I might purchase to a cruise. I was going through a difficult depression and the only thing that would offer glimmers of happiness was a vacation. Particularly ones that took me to other beaches and out to sea. I would occasionally buy myself new items from Lilly Pulitzer, but it all stood the “cruise test” before making it into my shopping bag.

Financially I was doing incredibly well, but mentally I was falling apart. Things got worse when I found out my boyfriend’s family wasn’t thrilled by all the vacations we were taking and I had to be cut off from my regular cruising. I started looking for other areas to find pieces of happiness and dove head first into becoming one of the top customers for Lilly Pulitzer. In case you are unfamiliar with the brand, becoming one of those top customers means you are regularly spending a small fortune. The beautiful atmosphere of the store and the fantastic girls that worked there kept me coming back for more.

I realized I had a problem after spending over $700 on sale merchandise that I had passed up on previous visits. My friend Betsy taught me that if you didn’t love an item enough to pay full price for it, then it certainly wasn’t worth buying on sale. I hadn’t loved any of those items enough before and I definitely wasn’t waiting on baited breath for anything to come into a cheaper price range, I simply wanted the emotional high of buying pretty Lilly items. Since there was no new stock I made do with what was available.

Although it’s been two years since I first recognized the problem my spending still needs significant improvement. My income has decreased twice, and although I have tried adjusting my budget I haven’t always been successful. I still love going out for nice dinners and want to buy everything I’m coveting. I’ve also started several businesses, which any entrepreneur knows takes a chunk of money. Because I felt guilt over my investing, I would restrict my spending only to what would benefit my business. After long periods of denying myself I would hit a wall then overindulge. The guilt that comes with that is never worth the purchases, but I also haven’t gotten myself to stop this toxic behavior.

I now find myself surround by things I thought I wanted that are now causing the clutter in my apartment. I would love to just get rid of everything except I need to pay bills and feel guilty not selling what can be sold. I also need someone with no attachment to my stuff to help me make decisions on everything I need to part with. Expensive or unused purchases are the hardest for me to give away or sell, but that doesn’t make them useful to my lifestyle now.

This weekend I decided I needed to start a new plan. I started again debating what do I want? Do I really want stuff? Where do I want my time and resources to go? So far this is what I’ve decided. I want to live in a clutter free environment. I want my apartment to be a place of joy and relaxation and not a place of stress. I want to enjoy drinks and dinners with friends. I want to go to Hawaii and eat the amazing fresh fruit. I want to travel to the real French Polynesia, not just the recreated version in Disney World. I want to speak fluent French. I want my beautiful home on the beach. I want to not stress over my every purchase and I want to live my life more carefree.

With these “wants” in mind I’ve created a new plan. I am starting with “Do I want this more than Tahiti?” If I think the answer might be yes I am following up with a second question: “Do I want this to take a spot in my apartment?” And then lastly: “Is this going to bring me peace?” I think the last is the most important question. My goal in life is to be content. Fighting constant battles with guilt and stress makes contentment far out of reach.

Yesterday I started this change with putting motivating beach pictures on the home screen of my iPad. Today I returned $120 worth of stuff to Nordstrom that I wasn’t in love with and started seriously using my budget app on my phone. By tomorrow I am planning to have several items up for sale on eBay. I know this will not be easy, but in the long run it will definitely be worth it.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Mele Kalikimaka by Bing Crosby, definitely a classic!

Feeling Grateful

Today I decided to try something different. Maybe it was wanting a better week or maybe the influence of Thanksgiving, but today I decided I was not going to say anything negative and instead give thanks in everything. This idea came to me last night when I was unbelievably grateful for the beautiful day that allowed me to go for a walk on the beach with my friend Chelsea. I realized I’m not grateful enough for my day-to-day life and how could I ever expect more if I’m not happy with what I got. So I first started with being grateful that my cat Bob peed in his litter box. Sounds so simple, but with his personality and bladder issues that tends to be a problem. I went on to be grateful to have dishes to put away while I heated my oatmeal. I was thankful for the beautiful weather this morning and for the good music while driving to work.

Walking into work I noticed a difference in my attitude. I’m usually smiling as I say hi to those I work with, but I’m not usually happy that time of morning. It amazed me how different I felt so far, so I was motivated to keep going. I was grateful for the desk I got to use (as a consultant I’m lucky to have an actual space to work) and for the friends I got to share the office with. I was grateful that my charts were easy to find and the weights for those residents were available. I was grateful that one of my tube feeding residents was eating, grateful that my work wasn’t as extensive as I expected it to be, grateful the rain held off while I ran to pick up lunch, grateful that I had a wonderful store like Native Sun to pick up a wholesome lunch from.

The more I was grateful the happier I became. Today was a typical day and I could have spent it wishing I was somewhere else or doing something more, but instead I was grateful just to be. It wasn’t easy. There were several moments I caught myself starting to say something negative or starting to feel complacent, but as soon as I noticed I found something new to give thanks for.

My goal is to continue this. It was nice to feel happy. Not only happy, but joyful in everything. Joyful in a day that I may not have found joy in otherwise.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Thrive by Casting Crowns. I hope it brings you joy!

Eleven Miles

Yesterday was my “little” brother’s birthday. There are certain days of the year that are more difficult for me than others and his birthday is one of them. I reminisce on our childhood, text and call him, and then think of everything I wish we had done before we were “adults.” Most of all I miss him. I don’t think there are accidents in this life. God’s planning constantly amazes me. On top of it being Christopher’s birthday I had also just had a very difficult week. One that was pushing me into a place I didn’t want to be. I knew why everything was happening; it just didn’t make it easier.

Last month when I was peering over my running schedule I noted that November 22^nd I would be running 11 miles. Because of my brother, my favorite number is 22 and I thought it was fitting to run 11 miles on 11/22. As the day arrived I wondered if my abilities were where they should be. My speed had increased significantly. I felt better running than I ever had, but recently there were days that I experienced numbness in my right leg while running. This has only happened twice, but it has affected my run during both instances. I was also experiencing numbness during other activities over the past week and was concerned that my body might not allow me to cooperate with my schedule. Along with being concerned over my physical ability, this would also be the first time I would be running outside during my training.

I decided to run close to the beach. I wanted a route with minimal traffic and running along First Street would mean a nice view, sidewalks and no traffic lights. There were moments I loved like glimpses of the beach and being grateful for how much more I was physically able to do, but for the most part it was difficult. I ran from Atlantic Beach to Ponte Vedra then back. I had no idea that the distance between the two locations was only five and a half miles. As I hit my ninth mile I physically hurt. My legs and my hips were telling me to stop. I had already increased my intervals of running and walking, but I was determined to run most of what I had left.

When I needed support the most my playlist turned to “Open Up the Heavens” by Meredith Andrews then “Lay It Down” by Santus Real. I felt like not only was I being supported during this physically taxing run, but also during my mentally taxing week and everything else that will come from it. I realized why I was running. God knew I would need something to help me through this difficult time, so He gave me something tempting enough to make me start running again. I was able to finish my run just as strong as I started. I couldn’t believe what I had accomplished and thanked God for leading me through. I wasn’t “better” yet, but I knew I would be.

I’m not sure what my coming week will bring and I know that more difficulties are very likely on the way, but I know through it all God will bring me the love and support I need at the moments I need it the most. After all He knows me better than I know myself.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Lay It Down by Sanctus Real

Faith

Exactly one year ago today I attended a conference in Miami and I knew my life would be dramatically different. I knew “this time next year” my life would not be the same. What I didn’t know was how. I thought my life would change financially. It did, but that’s because I chose to cut my hours with my company. I thought I would be successful in my own business and have the freedom to completely arrange my schedule. That would have been nice, but what really happened was more life changing.

Last year I attended a ridiculous amount of conferences and education opportunities. Anything I thought would benefit my business I attended. One of the best was Darren Hardy’s High Performance Summit. This took place in South Beach and after such a phenomenal weekend I knew I would become a better version of myself.

Not long after the conference I completed an activity we had also done that day. It was a value assessment. The first time I completed the assessment I was thinking more business minded and my top values were dependability, confidence and freedom. The second time I did the assessment I thought of personal values. This time my results were Faith, Freedom, and Confidence.

I remember how I felt with my answers. My faith is such a big part of my life and I knew listing it first was a true assessment of me. I think God saw my list and said something along the lines of “you think you have a strong faith now, just wait.” 

Over the past year my faith has grown exponentially. My faith was tested and I came out stronger than I ever could imagine. I gave up businesses that I loved and tried to listen to where God wanted me, instead of where I wanted me. I attended a retreat called Christ Renews His Parish (definitely recommend this to anyone that has the opportunity) and had no idea that it wasn’t just a retreat, but six months of growing with some of the most amazing women I will ever know.

A year later I am different, in the best ways possible. I love life differently. I live more for the moment, not for 5 years from now. I love stronger and nurture my relationships better. I’m less egocentric and open my mind more to those around me. I have removed most judgment for other people and catch myself when I’m starting to make assumptions about others.

The best part is I’m happy, happier than I’ve ever been. Life isn’t easier; in fact there is more unknown and probably more stress than before, but through the mess I can still be happy. I love myself and my life, and can’t wait to see what God has next. Really what more could you ask for?

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is The Broken Beautiful by Ellie Holcomb