Facing Fear

Fear is a funny thing. We can rule our lives on our fears, fear of failing, fear of losing, fear of death, fear of life. It’s so easy to jump straight into our ambition when we are facing a new beginning. We resolve to do new things, develop better behaviors, and stretch our goals. There can be excitement in the unknown, but there is also underlying fear. Fear of screwing up, fear of not making the right choices, fear of failing at our dreams. Fear is what stops the world from taking chances.

We start out with goals and ambition, and then so many times our anxiety gets in the way. We don’t know what we will do if we don’t succeed, and forget to think about what will happen when we do. Stepping out into the unknown is scary, and so few people will take the leap and actually do it. It’s not an absence of fear, but the presence of something greater, the need to be or do more than the status quo.

This year when making your resolutions, don’t make them in fear. Think of what you would do if you knew there was no chance of failure and then focus on that and achieve it. Life is so short, and regrets of those that live long enough to look back never have to do with the mundane, they have to do with the chances they didn’t take and the joy they didn’t spread. The only one who will miss out on living your life is you.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men, definitely listen to it!

God Knows Us Better

Christmas Eve I received a beautiful sparkling ring and said, “Yes” to marrying the love of my life. Today after a long chat with my maid of honor I pulled out a book I have kept since high school filled to the brim with everything I thought my wedding should be. As I flipped through the pages I laughed at how much I have changed. I didn’t receive the $82,000 Harry Winston cushion cut diamond I thought I’d love (I probably would have killed him if I had), and I have no desire to have the formal affair I would have loved all those years ago. I love our simpler beach life and I want our wedding to reflect that.

Altheta emphasized this point even more when I realized how beautiful my ring looked next to the long sleeve running top I was purchasing for the half marathon in a few weeks. A massive cushion cut diamond would look silly on a girl that prefers Athelta workout clothes and J.Crew vintage tees. My ring is more perfectly “me” than one I could have ever picked on my own.

My ring and my life are nothing like what I thought I wanted, but despite the occasional regret it’s so much better than I could have ever imagined. Proof that God knows us better than we know ourselves.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is What a Glorious Night by Sidewalk Prophets

Long Distance Christmas

While working on my fourteen-mile run yesterday I was able to take in all the beautiful Christmas decorations near the beach, and of course had lots of time to think about the quickly approaching holiday. Last year Jimmy and I stayed in Jacksonville for Christmas. This wasn’t easy on us, or our families, but the trade off the rest of the year is definitely worth it. I’ve said this to friends and family before, but I think it is important and worth sharing. My long distance relationship with my family has made our relationships the best they have ever been.

Some people may take this in a humorous way, but I am actually being quite serious. I do miss the family get-togethers, birthday parties, and of course Christmas, but what I get in return is so much more. I have many phone conversations with my dad that I would never consider having if I lived just fifteen minutes down the road. I get lots of Disney trips with my mom that would never be possible if I didn’t live just a few hours from the park. I value every FaceTime, phone call, and visit with mine and Jimmy’s family, more so than I ever would if I thought I could see them regularly. I love that when I do see family it’s a vacation and everyone has so much joy and love to share.

I think we take for granted those we love when we have them close. I don’t think we do this intentionally, but we usually don’t take time to work on those important relationships. I catch myself doing that with Jimmy. We had a long distance relationship for two and a half years. The three Christmas seasons we were apart I remember singing along to “All I want for Christmas is You” and meaning it with all my heart. Now there are days I show more irritation than he deserves and forget to feel blessed that he is around. Every time I hear that song I remember how badly I wanted him in my life and take time to enjoy the moments we have together.

One of the biggest blessings in my life has been moving to Florida, not just because I love it more than I can describe, but also because it has brought me closer to the ones I love. I hope whether your family is near or far you take the time to remember how valuable their relationships are.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Christmas In The Sand by Colbie Caillat

Helping the Competition

I have a favorite treadmill at my gym. It is directly in front of an AC vent, which sends out wonderful bursts of cool air exactly when I need it. If I get to the gym early it gets to be mine. As I was running two girls came in to also use the treadmills. In my peripheral vision I could see the irritation on their faces. The tension was so thick it was suffocating the air I so happily waited for. They wanted treadmills next to each other and I had foiled their plan. They stood looking at the treadmills for a moment, almost hoping I would feel their presence and offer up my machine. I felt unbelievably uncomfortable, but I was half way through my three mile run and wasn’t about to hand over my treadmill to two girls that were purposely trying to make me move. So I tried another tactic, I would just out run them.

When they finally decided the two treadmills on either side of me would have to do, they jumped on at high speeds. I knew anyone that would neglect a warm up before running that fast probably wasn’t experienced with running or likely exercise in general, so I knew it wouldn’t take much effort to beat them. I only had about ten to twelve minutes left of my run, but I knew that would be enough. As I started “competing” I realized I had been the girl on both sides of this situation, the one being inconvenienced and the one causing it. I have gone to the gym with friends just to be frustrated that another girl would have a treadmill between us, and also have been that girl in the middle many times. These instances aren’t intentional, but most women take them as personal offenses. We hate on each other rather than helping each other.

This isn’t just a gym behavior it’s a life behavior. As women we tend to push each other down as we compete to be the best, barely allowing our friends to out do us. Why is this? What started this toxic behavior? Have women always felt the need to compete?

I love the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg because it talks about women needing to help other women. Rather than being terrified that another woman might take our job, our husband, or our treadmill we should instead see how we can help each other. Our focus should be how can I make another person’s life better, rather than how I can prevent her from having what I have.

I could have smiled and told the girls I only had ten minutes left, but instead I made a negative situation worse. Was my decision fatal? Absolutely not, but making that small decision to add joy rather than to aggravate the problem could have made the day better for all three of us. We may have become friends rather than girls who compete. After all having more friends is always a positive.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Defying Gravity from the Wicked soundtrack. Definitely motivational and uplifting!

You Can Have Anything You Want ...

You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything. Growing up my dad would regularly repeat this line to emphasize life is about choices. For everything you choose something else must be sacrificed, whether it be time, money, or other opportunities. I often remind myself of this phrase when I ask “what do I want?”

Until a few years ago I was an excellent saver. At the time I felt guilty for not saving more, but looking back I was quite impressive. On a limited income I was able to save almost half of what I made. I became even more impressive with saving when I became a consultant dietitian. As a consultant I would send invoices for payment and sometimes the checks would take over a month to arrive. Because of the possible delay in payment, I lived well below my means and always had plenty of money in savings in case it had to pay the rent. At that time I would also compare anything I might purchase to a cruise. I was going through a difficult depression and the only thing that would offer glimmers of happiness was a vacation. Particularly ones that took me to other beaches and out to sea. I would occasionally buy myself new items from Lilly Pulitzer, but it all stood the “cruise test” before making it into my shopping bag.

Financially I was doing incredibly well, but mentally I was falling apart. Things got worse when I found out my boyfriend’s family wasn’t thrilled by all the vacations we were taking and I had to be cut off from my regular cruising. I started looking for other areas to find pieces of happiness and dove head first into becoming one of the top customers for Lilly Pulitzer. In case you are unfamiliar with the brand, becoming one of those top customers means you are regularly spending a small fortune. The beautiful atmosphere of the store and the fantastic girls that worked there kept me coming back for more.

I realized I had a problem after spending over $700 on sale merchandise that I had passed up on previous visits. My friend Betsy taught me that if you didn’t love an item enough to pay full price for it, then it certainly wasn’t worth buying on sale. I hadn’t loved any of those items enough before and I definitely wasn’t waiting on baited breath for anything to come into a cheaper price range, I simply wanted the emotional high of buying pretty Lilly items. Since there was no new stock I made do with what was available.

Although it’s been two years since I first recognized the problem my spending still needs significant improvement. My income has decreased twice, and although I have tried adjusting my budget I haven’t always been successful. I still love going out for nice dinners and want to buy everything I’m coveting. I’ve also started several businesses, which any entrepreneur knows takes a chunk of money. Because I felt guilt over my investing, I would restrict my spending only to what would benefit my business. After long periods of denying myself I would hit a wall then overindulge. The guilt that comes with that is never worth the purchases, but I also haven’t gotten myself to stop this toxic behavior.

I now find myself surround by things I thought I wanted that are now causing the clutter in my apartment. I would love to just get rid of everything except I need to pay bills and feel guilty not selling what can be sold. I also need someone with no attachment to my stuff to help me make decisions on everything I need to part with. Expensive or unused purchases are the hardest for me to give away or sell, but that doesn’t make them useful to my lifestyle now.

This weekend I decided I needed to start a new plan. I started again debating what do I want? Do I really want stuff? Where do I want my time and resources to go? So far this is what I’ve decided. I want to live in a clutter free environment. I want my apartment to be a place of joy and relaxation and not a place of stress. I want to enjoy drinks and dinners with friends. I want to go to Hawaii and eat the amazing fresh fruit. I want to travel to the real French Polynesia, not just the recreated version in Disney World. I want to speak fluent French. I want my beautiful home on the beach. I want to not stress over my every purchase and I want to live my life more carefree.

With these “wants” in mind I’ve created a new plan. I am starting with “Do I want this more than Tahiti?” If I think the answer might be yes I am following up with a second question: “Do I want this to take a spot in my apartment?” And then lastly: “Is this going to bring me peace?” I think the last is the most important question. My goal in life is to be content. Fighting constant battles with guilt and stress makes contentment far out of reach.

Yesterday I started this change with putting motivating beach pictures on the home screen of my iPad. Today I returned $120 worth of stuff to Nordstrom that I wasn’t in love with and started seriously using my budget app on my phone. By tomorrow I am planning to have several items up for sale on eBay. I know this will not be easy, but in the long run it will definitely be worth it.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Mele Kalikimaka by Bing Crosby, definitely a classic!

Feeling Grateful

Today I decided to try something different. Maybe it was wanting a better week or maybe the influence of Thanksgiving, but today I decided I was not going to say anything negative and instead give thanks in everything. This idea came to me last night when I was unbelievably grateful for the beautiful day that allowed me to go for a walk on the beach with my friend Chelsea. I realized I’m not grateful enough for my day-to-day life and how could I ever expect more if I’m not happy with what I got. So I first started with being grateful that my cat Bob peed in his litter box. Sounds so simple, but with his personality and bladder issues that tends to be a problem. I went on to be grateful to have dishes to put away while I heated my oatmeal. I was thankful for the beautiful weather this morning and for the good music while driving to work.

Walking into work I noticed a difference in my attitude. I’m usually smiling as I say hi to those I work with, but I’m not usually happy that time of morning. It amazed me how different I felt so far, so I was motivated to keep going. I was grateful for the desk I got to use (as a consultant I’m lucky to have an actual space to work) and for the friends I got to share the office with. I was grateful that my charts were easy to find and the weights for those residents were available. I was grateful that one of my tube feeding residents was eating, grateful that my work wasn’t as extensive as I expected it to be, grateful the rain held off while I ran to pick up lunch, grateful that I had a wonderful store like Native Sun to pick up a wholesome lunch from.

The more I was grateful the happier I became. Today was a typical day and I could have spent it wishing I was somewhere else or doing something more, but instead I was grateful just to be. It wasn’t easy. There were several moments I caught myself starting to say something negative or starting to feel complacent, but as soon as I noticed I found something new to give thanks for.

My goal is to continue this. It was nice to feel happy. Not only happy, but joyful in everything. Joyful in a day that I may not have found joy in otherwise.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Thrive by Casting Crowns. I hope it brings you joy!

Eleven Miles

Yesterday was my “little” brother’s birthday. There are certain days of the year that are more difficult for me than others and his birthday is one of them. I reminisce on our childhood, text and call him, and then think of everything I wish we had done before we were “adults.” Most of all I miss him. I don’t think there are accidents in this life. God’s planning constantly amazes me. On top of it being Christopher’s birthday I had also just had a very difficult week. One that was pushing me into a place I didn’t want to be. I knew why everything was happening; it just didn’t make it easier.

Last month when I was peering over my running schedule I noted that November 22^nd I would be running 11 miles. Because of my brother, my favorite number is 22 and I thought it was fitting to run 11 miles on 11/22. As the day arrived I wondered if my abilities were where they should be. My speed had increased significantly. I felt better running than I ever had, but recently there were days that I experienced numbness in my right leg while running. This has only happened twice, but it has affected my run during both instances. I was also experiencing numbness during other activities over the past week and was concerned that my body might not allow me to cooperate with my schedule. Along with being concerned over my physical ability, this would also be the first time I would be running outside during my training.

I decided to run close to the beach. I wanted a route with minimal traffic and running along First Street would mean a nice view, sidewalks and no traffic lights. There were moments I loved like glimpses of the beach and being grateful for how much more I was physically able to do, but for the most part it was difficult. I ran from Atlantic Beach to Ponte Vedra then back. I had no idea that the distance between the two locations was only five and a half miles. As I hit my ninth mile I physically hurt. My legs and my hips were telling me to stop. I had already increased my intervals of running and walking, but I was determined to run most of what I had left.

When I needed support the most my playlist turned to “Open Up the Heavens” by Meredith Andrews then “Lay It Down” by Santus Real. I felt like not only was I being supported during this physically taxing run, but also during my mentally taxing week and everything else that will come from it. I realized why I was running. God knew I would need something to help me through this difficult time, so He gave me something tempting enough to make me start running again. I was able to finish my run just as strong as I started. I couldn’t believe what I had accomplished and thanked God for leading me through. I wasn’t “better” yet, but I knew I would be.

I’m not sure what my coming week will bring and I know that more difficulties are very likely on the way, but I know through it all God will bring me the love and support I need at the moments I need it the most. After all He knows me better than I know myself.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Lay It Down by Sanctus Real

Faith

Exactly one year ago today I attended a conference in Miami and I knew my life would be dramatically different. I knew “this time next year” my life would not be the same. What I didn’t know was how. I thought my life would change financially. It did, but that’s because I chose to cut my hours with my company. I thought I would be successful in my own business and have the freedom to completely arrange my schedule. That would have been nice, but what really happened was more life changing.

Last year I attended a ridiculous amount of conferences and education opportunities. Anything I thought would benefit my business I attended. One of the best was Darren Hardy’s High Performance Summit. This took place in South Beach and after such a phenomenal weekend I knew I would become a better version of myself.

Not long after the conference I completed an activity we had also done that day. It was a value assessment. The first time I completed the assessment I was thinking more business minded and my top values were dependability, confidence and freedom. The second time I did the assessment I thought of personal values. This time my results were Faith, Freedom, and Confidence.

I remember how I felt with my answers. My faith is such a big part of my life and I knew listing it first was a true assessment of me. I think God saw my list and said something along the lines of “you think you have a strong faith now, just wait.” 

Over the past year my faith has grown exponentially. My faith was tested and I came out stronger than I ever could imagine. I gave up businesses that I loved and tried to listen to where God wanted me, instead of where I wanted me. I attended a retreat called Christ Renews His Parish (definitely recommend this to anyone that has the opportunity) and had no idea that it wasn’t just a retreat, but six months of growing with some of the most amazing women I will ever know.

A year later I am different, in the best ways possible. I love life differently. I live more for the moment, not for 5 years from now. I love stronger and nurture my relationships better. I’m less egocentric and open my mind more to those around me. I have removed most judgment for other people and catch myself when I’m starting to make assumptions about others.

The best part is I’m happy, happier than I’ve ever been. Life isn’t easier; in fact there is more unknown and probably more stress than before, but through the mess I can still be happy. I love myself and my life, and can’t wait to see what God has next. Really what more could you ask for?

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is The Broken Beautiful by Ellie Holcomb

Competing With Guilt

My favorite thing about running is finishing. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the process, although I’m not going to lie it’s rare that I enjoy running the entire time I’m doing it, but the finish is the best. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment I get after I run. Saturday was the longest run I’ve ever completed. I did 7.25 miles and I have to say the sense of accomplishment was wonderful. I was only supposed to do 6.5 miles, but I tend to push myself at the end. I always want to stop on a certain minute or mileage point, but then I usually pick another point to beat.  I compete with myself and see how far I can go.

I tend to compete with myself in most areas of my life. How far can I run? How fast can I work? Can I meet my goals younger than expected? Can I accomplish more today than I did yesterday? Sometimes this is motivating, but it can also be exhausting. Some days I want to be able to enjoy life more without the extra dose of guilt. I am a master of guilt.

I can make myself feel guilty over not exercising enough, not keeping my apartment clean, spending too much money, eating the wrong foods, taking time for myself, reading, watching movies, taking time to go to the beach, not calling friends and family enough, not finishing my endless to do list … the list of guilt goes on and on. I wish I could live without the guilt.

My boyfriend Jimmy is great at living in the moment and letting go of what doesn’t matter. This is why I fell in love with him. He could relax me and help me see what was important in life and what was not. Six years later he can still relax me, but it’s more of a challenge now. It’s easier out of the apartment, especially if he can get me to the beach or a good restaurant. I love being with his family too. They have a similar effect. I get the feeling I can let go of all my “to do’s” for a while and just enjoy the moment. I know this is why God put us together. I was always too caught up with the future and forgot to enjoy the moments I was in.  I try to learn from Jimmy, especially when I want to throw up my hands and cry because I can’t meet my impossible standards. I ask myself what really matters, and at the end of the day what pushes me to the brink usually doesn’t. Until I master letting go I will keep running, because some days pushing yourself a little further is all you can do.

Until next time,

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today is Shake It Out by Florence and The Machine. I always find it therapeutic

Nordstrom meet Jacksonville

Today is the grand opening of Nordstrom in Jacksonville, Florida. I have been patiently awaiting it’s arrival over the past year and showed up in time for the eight am beauty bash pre-opening this morning.  I have to say it was a fun morning. I have never been to a Nordstrom opening, or opening of any department store, but this one was definitely a great time. I loved the store when I lived in Atlanta, and was particularly excited that this location was walking distance from my apartment. My alarm went off at 6:45 and by 7:50 I was heading to the festivities. After an ok experience at the Lancôme table, Bobbi Brown hit it out of the park! Great lip, beautiful blush, and the best eye makeup ever! My friends and I were looking great just in time for the count down to open the doors.

The scene reminded me of a glamorous version of the opening of Magic Kingdom the day after Christmas. Swarms of women flew through the doors ready to purchase everything there was to offer. The parade lead upstairs to the mecca of women’s clothing. I’ve never seen so many giddy women in one place. Everyone had been anticipating this morning and they couldn’t wait to try it all!

After some light shopping and meeting the stylists it was time for a snack. The Nordstrom eBar was the obvious choice. I was impressed with the organic options, (you can even buy cage free hard boiled eggs) and the composting/recycling cups and to-go containers. Nothing makes me happier to see than healthy food options with earth friendly products!

After a short break at home for a while, I headed back to try the new Nordstrom bar and restaurant Bazille. The blueberry lavender cocktail was delicious to start, I’m excited to try more of their handcrafted drinks! The service was great and we even received a phenomenal bread pudding on the house!

I ended my fantastic day purchasing the super cute Under Armour workout tank than Jen wore on The Biggest Loser last week (the white team’s personal trainer if you are familiar with the show). This was super exciting as I tried googling where to find the tank, and sadly the world doesn’t care as much about the clothes the personal trainers wear like they do with the clothes worn on the Bachelorette. I was ecstatic that Nordstrom not only had the tank I was coveting, but also an extensive selection of great workout clothing! May have to head back tomorrow and shop some more!

Until next time!

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor, catchy with a great beat!

Let It Go

Today at three and a half miles I decided new running shoes were not a want but a need. My current running shoes were a random purchase during a short visit to Louisville, Kentucky, and it wasn’t until I returned to Florida that I realized it was a bad decision. They were cute, but not perfect for my feet. A year and a half later I still have them. When I am serious about buying gym shoes I usually go to specialty running stores to be fitted. Instead the pretty hot pink and neon yellow lured me into buying without properly running in them. Between the guilt over my impulse purchase and regular Tracy Anderson workouts (without the shoes) I haven’t considered getting a new pair. Multiple blisters in my arches changed that feeling this afternoon.  I am planning on using an older pair tomorrow then purchasing new ones on Monday. Today’s theme seemed to be letting go, and not just of old shoes. This morning on my way to work I listened to Joel Osteen’s Sunday message. I usually attend church over the weekend so I save his sermons for mornings when I need extra motivation.  This sermon was titled “Stay on the Potter’s Wheel.” A piece of the message was about letting go, and although it applies to my poor shoe purchase, it also prepared me for the day ahead.

As I’ve said in previous posts, I Love Disney (it is the driving factor for my running 13.1 miles in case you missed that). One of my favorite Disney songs is “Let It Go” from the movie Frozen. It’s therapeutic every time I listen to it. I won’t go into a long dissertation of my life story right now, but I will say I’ve battled with anxiety for most of my life. A big part of that battle is letting go of situations I can’t change. Many of the times I have been serious about running it was never about the run, it was about the war in my head. Running helped me see straight.

Unknowingly I had a few battles waiting for me a work today. I am a registered dietitian and I was doing clinical work at a long-term care facility. I usually go to this building on Thursdays, but this week I had a change in my schedule. Around 9:30am I remembered why I avoided this building on Wednesdays. Between care plan meetings and other clinicians in the building, acquiring the charts I needed and keeping them was difficult. This was enough to push me to the edge, especially since my phone was ringing every 2 minutes for 3 hours straight (I wish I was exaggerating), but to top it off a physician’s assistant found a few charts she needed in my pile. I try to be nice when others need charts and simply request they bring them back to me once they’ve finished. When I made this simple request she rudely told me no and walked out of the room. There aren’t many things that make me want to get on a soapbox, but people that think they are better than other people is one of them. Your title is not who you are, and people should be treated equally no matter their career. None of us are holier than thou, and I think many people need to be reminded of that. (Ok I’m off my soapbox now).

After she left the room I was immediately upset. Not only with the way she treated me, but also with how little I reacted. I was hurt that someone would treat me with so little respect, and mad that there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I was about to head in a very negative direction emotionally when I remembered what Joel had said this morning. God is constantly molding us, and if we don’t listen the first time He will keep working. So I changed my reaction. What amazes me the most is I actually let it go and never became angry. In the past letting go was never this easy. The situation I encountered today would have bothered me through the evening and likely on future visits. I know I must have had assistance to let it go. Maybe it’s a reward for finally getting the message. Either way I’m trying to listen more attentively to make my lessons less painful. In the meantime I will keep running and reminding myself to “Let It Go.”

Until next time!

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Rise by Shawn McDonald. I hope you enjoy it too!

Extreme Weight Loss and Training Day 3

Needless to say my extra running on Friday took a toll on me over the weekend. I looked like I had some issues with my legs while walking around Atlanta, which I’m sure provided some joy to the people around me. I meant to do extra stretching on Friday as the five hour car ride would not be good after that workout. Sadly I ignored my advice and paid for it all weekend and during my workout today. Probably won’t make that mistake again, at least not for a while.

Last night after my long car ride back to Jacksonville I found the Extreme Weight Loss episode with the Disney half marathon on ABC’s website. I love the Biggest Loser and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about Extreme Weight Loss. After watching I decided I love the concept, I just want to watch more of the process. I don’t think ABC would consider dividing the shows into multiple episodes, but I felt like I missed so much of their year since the big focuses are the beginning, the weigh-ins, and the finale. One of the trainers was pregnant then had a baby, and it was barely mentioned. The times it was, it was in the context of comparing a father daughter/mother daughter relationship to the contestants’ relationship, which I thought was a little bizarre. I am keeping my mind open and willing to give it another try, so I will see how I feel after the next episode.  Either way I am grateful it allowed me to sign up for the Disney World Marathon Weekend Half Marathon.

Until next time!

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song today was Dirt by Florida Georgia Line. Great cool down song that reminds me of home.

109 Days and Counting

This morning I ran a 5K by accident.I was on Saint Simons Island with a friend of mine, and we decided to take a detour to the Brunswick, Georgia YMCA before hitting the road to Atlanta. I'm still a bit congested and was not expecting much out of myself, but was very excited to fit in an extra workout. I belonged to this YMCA a few years ago when I worked in the area. That was the only time I've ever considered myself much of a runner. Life was more than difficult that year and my only escape was killing myself at the gym for a couple hours a day. As I headed to the treadmill I noted the things that had changed, and the many things that stayed the same. I hopped on a newer treadmill and comfortably started my warmup. As I began to run, I changed my playlist and heard Blow Me One Last Kiss by P!nk. A flood of emotions came back unexpectedly. What amazed me was hope had replaced hurt and anger. I realized how much I've changed over the past four years. Although many days my life can still be considered a bit of a mess, I have grown through it. I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be, and for the first time I feel more my age. Experiences shape us into who we are supposed to be, and I have certainly gone through some shaping. Swept up in my thoughts and feelings I looked down to realize I failed at interval training. My time was almost up and I'd ran the whole way. Maybe I'm still a little bit of a runner at heart. Until next time! Kaycee P.S. My favorite song today was Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by P!nk. It has a great beat to keep you moving!

It's Official! Count Down 110 Days

It’s official! My friend Hilary and I are registered to run January 10^th in Walt Disney World! Maybe I’m just a sucker for the mouse and the other Disney characters I will see along the way, but I’m excited! Day one of training started this evening with forty minutes on the treadmill, nothing impressive I assure you, especially since I still have the tail end of a cold, but at least I’ve started. Starting was made a little easier by an irritating situation I had today with a patient’s family member. I am one of those people that dwells on how I reacted to a situation, and what I wish I could have said or done differently. I wish I could say I only let this bother me for a short time, but sometimes it will take years for me to move on. This is incredibly unhealthy and I’m working on it, but it’s hard when you remember the situations so well.

I wish I could think of the right things to say in the moment, but my naturally introverted nature won’t seem to let me. I have heard that people that can come off with good retorts when provoked can have just as much anguish, but I don’t have any personal experience with that so I can’t say.

I will say starting training helped me let go a little, and envision happier movements like rounding around Cinderella’s Castle and purchasing Disney Princess inspired New Balances.

Until next time!

Kaycee

P.S. My favorite song during my workout today was Fix My Eyes by For King and Country, definitely worth adding to your playlist!

Half Marathon?

While adding ridiculous amounts of banners and stickers to my Disney photo pass photos I stumbled on the Disney blog. Yesterday the blog post stated that due to requests from viewers who saw the Disney World Marathon on “Extreme Weight Loss,” registration has re-opened for the marathon and the half marathon for the 2015 Disney World Marathon weekend. I have a trip to Disney scheduled right after the weekend and it might be fun to participate.

 I am not much of a runner. If I’m pissed off enough I can run, but otherwise I tend to be a dance cardio kind of girl. I’ve never considered doing any kind of running competition, but between the convenience of the weekend and the thought of running through Magic Kingdom I’m seriously considering it.

I consulted with my boyfriend, who is an ACSM certified personal trainer and knows my athletic skills. He seemed surprised I asked and said of course I could do it. My brother, who was a college athlete and still competes regularly, is rooting for me to run also. I’m still questioning myself, but the training program doesn’t seem too terrible and the bonus of extra Disney vacation is tempting. I know they’ve only opened a few more spots so I have to make a decision sooner than later. I think it might be worth it for a pair of Minnie Mouse New Balances?

Why I Love Disney

My love for Disney has very little to do with a mouse named Mickey. I am often asked why I love Disney so much, and many wonder why I still consider it a favorite place to vacation. I usually give a short answer, but my love for Disney and a man named Walt that started it all has very little to do with rides and parades.

I was six when my parents drove my younger brother and I to the happiest place on earth, Walt Disney World. My brother and I were so excited we couldn’t wait to reach Orlando. My parents had planned to break the trip from Kentucky into two days, but we didn’t want to stop. This put us a day early in Orlando, which allowed for a detour to SeaWorld. Although that was fun, there was no comparison for what was to come. Due to my amazing grandparents and their Disney Vacation Club membership our first trip included the best of the magic. We stayed at Old Key West resort, and rode the Disney transportation during our stay.

Staying on property cut us off from the rest of the world. The only thing we watched on TV was “Disney TV” and the weather (something I try to continue with every trip). My grandma knowing the park very well, gave instructions to my parents on how to “do the park” and from day one we were off. My memories are a little scattered from that trip, but there are many things I will never forget.

The first was my souvenir, a Snow White "Barbie" doll with the most beautiful shoes. We were each given a budget for $20 to spend on whatever we wanted during the trip. I remember my dad asking me if I wanted an autograph book and I carefully made the decision that I already had a Disney notebook for autographs and I did not want to spend my “Disney Dollars” on that. By the end of the week after comparing many options I happily purchased my Snow White doll then posed for pictures near Mickey and Minnie’s houses with it. I remember playing with my Snow White that evening in our room and listening to the fireworks going off in the distance. I was ecstatic, best purchase decision!

What I’m sure will flabbergast most people is my most vivid food memory during that trip was picking out Chef Boyardee ravioli at the resort shop and eating it while watching TV in our beautiful Key West style room. I didn’t usually have canned ravioli, which I loved, and getting to eat it in front of the TV was a real treat! Best dinner that week! My other food memory involved a yummy turkey leg, which I had never seen before! My mom split it with my brother and I while sitting in Frontier Land. I know there were probably more expensive meals to be had that trip, but those were the most memorable.

I know we rode most of the rides, but I only remember riding Splash Mountain, really only getting on Splash Mountain, Snow White, because it scared me, and the Haunted Mansion, which I will never forget because walking out my brother and I gave each other a look that said we will never ride that again. I also remember the submarine ride; mostly because it was the only time I rode it, as it was gone when we came for our second trip three years later.

There was also the day it rained and we wore yellow Mickey ponchos walking through Magic Kingdom, although I didn’t prefer the rain I loved the location and that the poncho matched my Mickey fanny pack. On one of the sunny days we met Aladdin and Jasmine along with Belle and the Beast. I also remember sitting in the sun waiting for the Toy Story parade at MGM (currently known as Hollywood Studios), and watching in awe as the floats went by.

That first vacation was more magical than my brother and I could have ever imagined! We felt like the luckiest kids because we were in Disney World.

This feeling continued every trip. Every time we couldn’t believe how lucky we were, even when we were in high school. Some of the best memories I have of us are in Disney World. Between riding Barnstormer almost 20 times in a row during a late open, to later sending each other post cards and pictures of the Rockin’ Roller Coaster when we weren’t in Disney together. Disney will always remind me of my brother Christopher, and some of the best parts of my childhood.

Disney was a place where no mater what was going on before the trip, life was close to perfect while we were there. During the times my brother and I didn’t get along at home, an unspoken truce was called for Disney. My grandma who was usually home by four and in bed before nine most days, had never ending energy in the parks and it was hard to keep up. Everyone had a good attitude and was grateful to be there. It was as if the fairy dust had made us a better version of ourselves, for most of the trip at least.

Now that I live in Florida, Disney is a place to spend long weekends with my mom. Although we live far away, Disney keeps us close.  We continue to stay in the magical vacation club resorts, usually with close family friends that I consider an adopted aunt and uncle. Even now when I know the parks better than the back of my hand, and have lost count of the number of times I’ve visited, every trip is full of magic and love. I can’t wait  to go back again!

Feeling Inspired?

Anyone who is a Facebook friend of mine knows that I like to promote positive and inspirational messages. In fact that is ninety nine percent of what I post. I like to be inspired and inspire others. Some of the best advice on life and business that I have received has come from some of the most unexpected places. Today I thought I would share some of my favorite inspirational quotes. Let me know what inspires you!

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” Jim Rohn “Life is a party, dress like it!” Lilly Pulitzer “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” Steve Jobs “You have the unlimited potential to be, do, and have anything you want in your life. You simply have to decide what you want and be willing to work long enough, hard enough, and smart enough to make it happen.” Billy Cox “It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go.” Jim Rohn “Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” Theodore Roosevelt   “Success is not is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill

Kaycee at the Beach

I want this blog to include everything I love. I want to use it to discuss fashion, nutrition, faith, motivation, inspiration, and everything coastal. Some topics may get more attention than others depending on my life and what is going on around me, but that is how most conversations go in life and I do want this to start conversations.

Today I’m all about Lilly Pulitzer. The “After Party Sale” began at 8am this morning and I, like many other women out there, went a little crazy! They suggest you purchase items immediately, because even though they go in your cart they aren’t yours until the sale goes through. This means someone in California can steal my dress if they are faster with their keypad! This creates cheetah like response to shopping, and quite honestly I realized how brilliant Lilly was after I blew my budget out of the water.

Lilly offers free shipping on every order and encourages you to buy fast so you don’t lose your items. Very few people think about multiple $30-$50 purchases, but they do tend to think of $200 -$600 purchases. If my cart held all the items I purchased today and I saw the grand total before clicking “checkout” I would have renegotiated how much I was purchasing. In the thrill of the moment and not wanting to lose items we buy more than we intend, really brilliant marketing on their part. Yes they will have to pay more to ship it to us, but we buy so much more.

I love Lilly Pulitzer. They are a wonderful company that tends to treat their customers and employees very well. Their quality is also usually consistent, which I like in a brand. My favorite part of Lilly though is Lilly Pulitzer herself. Her story is absolutely amazing and I will likely go further into it another day. If you haven’t seen the sale for yourself I recommend checking it out, as the deals are amazing and it only lasts two more days!

Until next time!

Kaycee

Spring Style - My Love of White

I was asked what inspired me this spring and the answer is something that also terrifies me – white. I am completely in love with white and the only terror is in ruining it within five minutes of having it on. But risk, chances, and changes are what spring is all about. Here are a few of my favorite white dresses for spring.

White Dresses by kayceebrown featuring chiffon dresses

Erin Fetherston sequin dress / Dress / Erin Fetherston chiffon dress / Erin Fetherston / Alfa Lighting top / Jimmy Choo slip on shoes / Charlotte Olympia shoes, $960

Love for Spring and Lilly Pulitzer

Today I cannot seem to get my mind or my computer away from my favorite brand – Lilly Pulitzer. As we near closer to spring I get more excited for the warm weather, beach days, and bright colored clothing. My favorite time of year has always been late spring and early summer. This may be due to the placement of my birthday or to the amazing feeling that comes with crisp mornings that hold a promise of a beautiful afternoon. In honor of my favorite brand and favorite time of year here are a few of my new favorite Lillys!

It's Always Summer Somewhere by kayceebrown featuring lilly pulitzer dresses

Dress / Dress / Lilly Pulitzer dress / Lilly Pulitzer - Nienie Dress / Lilly Pulitzer - Spring Fling Clutch