When you hear the same message over and over again it means you need to sit up and listen.
This morning as I was live steaming church (yes live streaming, don’t judge) the pastor started the sermon with the story of Joseph. To give a quick background since there are multiple Josephs, this is the one with the colorful coat whose brothers sold him into slavery, who then wrongfully went to jail, and then later ruled over Egypt. My initial gut reaction was “this story again!?”
I’m not entirely sure how I have heard this particular story three times in two weeks, especially since I missed all forms of church last weekend, but I was definitely supposed to listen. As the thought of being bored crossed my mind, I remembered the advice I have given to others in situations like these. This piece of my life is on repeat because there is something I missed the first few times around.
Only select groups of people know of the struggles I have been facing over the past eight months. Only a few of those people know everything I am dealing with, and even fewer of those have seen how it has actually affected me during this time.
The only thing that has kept me going over these past months was the knowledge that God was pushing me to something better. Many times when I thought I couldn’t take one more negative, one more pain he would give me a little time to recover, throw in some joy and then give me a stronger shove. I have asked for months for Him to show me where He was leading me, knowing that every instance was keeping me primed so I made the right choice when it came.
I never really loved the story of Joseph. It was too familiar, and despite the fact that it became a musical it was never one of my favorites. I’ve listened to many homilies and sermons that include him, and even though I usually enjoyed the message, I felt maybe his situation was over-used throughout the years. Clearly I was under listening.
This morning the sermon was discussing setbacks. I feel like I have had almost three years of gaining then losing, feeling like I’m on the right path to being thrown a massive curve ball I never saw coming my way.
I was hit pretty hard multiple times over the past few weeks. I am struggling more than I have really admitted to anyone. For the third time in my life the only thing keeping me going is God’s grace and the knowledge that this too will pass. I hold on to everything I am grateful for, my friends, my family, my easy access to the beach, and I use my running to get me through.
I know God is with me during every trial and every pain, and I know something better is coming. This morning despite my initial reaction, the story of Joseph was exactly what I needed to hear. Joseph had setbacks in his setbacks, but in one day went from prisoner to ruler of a nation.
I know this round of trials is coming to an end. I know that although life has been painful I have been made a better human for it. This week a new opportunity fell into my lap. Had it not been for my months of pain I would have likely ignored it, but the graceful way it fell, in the midst of the worst, I know it is my next step. I don’t believe it is my final destination, and I am sure there will always be more trials to come, but I do know that God loves to display his strength when you need it the most.
Until next time,
Kaycee
P.S. My favorite song today is Stronger by Mandisa
I’m doing something I never thought I’d do. I’m significantly cutting the guest list for my wedding.
I have so many great friends and I can't imagine them not participating in my day, but when it comes down to it, even my negotiated price per person is still quite high and I don't want to spend that much.
